(April Fools!) Grim Dawn Version 4.1.1.8

V4.1.1.8

[Major New Features]

  • Due to popular demand, we are introducing an exciting new gameplay system known as Paramour Levels. Using this endlessly scaling end-game mechanic, players can now romantically pursue NPCs all across Cairn and create formidable relationships that can overcome an apocalypse and last a lifetime.
  • For more information on this massive addition to Grim Dawn, check out the sneak preview!

[Crucible]

  • In order to improve the number of players that have reached the final wave of the Crucible, the waves now trigger in reverse, starting at Wave 170.
  • Increased Lokarr’s disappointment by 13%.
  • Fixed an issue where Lokarr would sometimes not taunt you.

[Mod Tools]

  • Mods now require FDA approval.

[Art]

  • Added two Tbsp paprika, one tsp salt and a pinch of cayenne.
  • Stirred vigorously and cooked on low for 15-30 minutes.
  • Wait…wrong doc…
  • Tightened up the graphics on level 3.

[Tech]

  • The game now continues to run after you shut your PC off.
  • Upgraded the engine from the squirrel-based script timer to the more modern raccoon cycle.

[Game]

  • Added a new game mode: Ultracore. It’s really just Hardcore mode, but sounds way more intense.
  • In order to increase realism, riftgates now spit you out at random locations.
  • Factions now require an extensive hazing ritual before you become Friendly.
  • Bounties are now 33% more bountiful.
  • In order to counterbalance his skill set, Grava’Thul now takes 100% more damage from dispel mechanics.
  • You may now purchase a restraining order against Nemesis spawns at Darius Cronley’s Law Firm.
  • Offensive Ability no longer scales with profanity.
  • Skeletal enemies now fall apart the moment they move, since that makes no sense.
  • Carnivorous Plant enemies now take additional damage from pesticides.
  • Gazerman is still watching…

[Itemization]

  • Loot drops are now considered taxable income.
  • Components have combined to form a union and are no longer stackable without a raise and better benefits.
  • Legendary item drop rates have been increased by 1000%.
  • Legendary items no longer drop for characters above level 50.
  • Crafting an item now takes 5-8 weeks, depending on how backed up the Blacksmith is.
  • Ugdenbloom now has a 2 day shelf life before it spoils.
  • One-handed weapons can now be used with two hands.
  • Relics can now only be found by excavating archaeological dig sites and require extensive restoration.

[Class & Skills]

  • Added 4 new masteries.
  • Removed all masteries.
  • Characters that have already selected masteries can continue to use them, but newly rolled characters will simply be commoners with no special abilities to enhance the realism of Cairn.

Devotion

  • New Constellations have been added to the Celestial Sky featuring the Grim Dawn developers so you can gain the blessing of your favorite dev! Always forget to toggle your auras? Put points in Grava the Auraless to simply remove them from your skill bar. Is your build making the game too easy? Select the Zantai constellation to slightly reduce its damage.
  • Celestial Powers now lose ranks if you don’t visit the respective deity’s shrine on a weekly basis.

Soldier

  • In an effort to balance the Soldier mastery, Markovian’s Advantage has been renamed to Markovian’s Disadvantage.
  • After some therapy, Oleron is no longer Raging as much.
  • Decorated Soldier now varies with seasonal holidays.
  • Blade Arc now requires a Tangent to be equipped.

Demolitionist

  • Quick Jacks are now part of this complete breakfast.
  • Mortar Trap must now be reloaded by a 2-man crew.
  • Flashbang now causes permanent retinal damage without proper eye protection.
  • Grenado now has a 1% chance to be a dud.

Occultist

  • Curse of Frailty is now 33% more effective against geriatric enemies.
  • Bloody Pox now causes a fever of 104F
  • Dreeg’s Evil Eye now requires prescription glasses.
  • Sigil of Consumption now obeys strict dietary standards.

Nightblade

  • In order to emphasize the Nightblade mastery’s elusive playstyle, all of its skills can now only be cast at night.
  • Blade Trap now deals 500% more damage to bosses
  • Execution now requires a two-handed axe in addition to dual wielding melee weapons.
  • Circle of Slaughter has been renamed to Circle of Laughter. Seems more fun that way.

Arcanist

  • Panetti’s Replicating Missile now obeys the laws of thermodynamics.
  • Mirror of Ereoctes now causes 7 years of bad luck if you are hit while it is active.
  • Increased the brightness on Sphere of Protection’s visual effect.
  • Fabric of Reality has been removed from the game. Turns out reality is really quite complicated.

Shaman

  • Grasping Vines can no longer be cast on areas without vegetation.
  • Storm Totem now requires two AA batteries for hours upon hours of family-friendly fun!
  • If you’ve been Storm Touched, please seek immediate medical attention.
  • Emboldening Presence now also applies to nearby beasts.

Inquisitor

  • The Inquisitor mastery is now 34% more unexpected.
  • Horn of Gandarr now calls for aid.
  • Aura of Censure now (Redacted).
  • Word of Pain now features an expanded vocabulary, including Word of Friendship, Word of Ambivalence and Word of Bird

Necromancer

  • Raise Skeleton now only works in areas where actual humans previously perished.
  • The Blight Fiend has been put on indefinite sick leave. His position will be temporarily filled by a gazer while we look for new applicants.
  • Turns out Ill Omen was just a bunch of hearsay.
  • Drain Essence has been reversed functionally. It’s about time we started giving back.
1 Like

Here.
We.
Go.

Increased Lokarr’s disappointment by 13%.
Fixed an issue where Lokarr would sometimes not taunt you.

Fucking finally

For a sec thought Crate is beign really cruel with sudden burst of 500s…

Family Guy All Bird is the word scenes

This was beautiful.

In order to counterbalance his skill set, Grava’Thul now takes 100% more damage from dispel mechanics.

Can this be an actual thing? I want to nullify Grava out of existence.

That’s a good prank.Some of “changes” are really the top.Made me smile alot.

God this post :D:D:D made my day :rolleyes::furious:

“Upgraded the engine from the squirrel-based script timer to the more modern raccoon cycle.”

Damn! I knew Rally Squirrel and his dastardly minions must have migrated elsewhere after TQ.net shut down. And if you haven’t the faintest idea what I’m talking about ask Grava and Medierra about all the squirrels and turtles they “squirreled” away in Titan Quest.

“In order to increase realism, riftgates now spit you out at random locations.”

Best idea of all. When you throw in the RNG it could take you weeks to get back to the riftgate you actually want. :smiley:

“[Tech]
The game now continues to run after you shut your PC off.”

Grim Dawn is upon us

Amazing.
And for some reason the absurdity of “One-handed weapons can now be used with two hands” I just found extra funny :smiley:

Like last year this is hilarious. :smiley:

[/li]

Lol that is exactly what went through my head. :stuck_out_tongue:

Awesome stuff Z :cool:

I’m just sitting here imagining it… your character lifts up his right hand, holding a pistol. He contemplates it for a moment then looks at his empty left hand and… slowly lifts it up. Hmm? Ahh. Left hand grips under the butt (No! Not part of the paramour system!) and Zing! +10% OA due to increased stability!

Such is the day today :D, good one Crate

And as a nod for those asking to dual-wield shields, v4.1.1.8 needs using a shield two-handed to give you +10% DA

Lmao. I would be so pissed… Running around 2handing a shield. But I’d do it!

Sent from my SM-J727P using Tapatalk

When is the steam version gonna be available :smiley: haha