(April Fools!) Grim Dawn Version Preview


[Major New Features]

  • By popular demand, the hit singles “I Can’t Carry Anymore”, “Hey You!” and “Take a Look at my Wares” have been added to the game’s OST.
  • Based on feedback, we are introducing a new feature: Non-Lethal Mode. In this game mode, you must be crafty as you talk your way out of dangerous situations. No boss encounter will be immune to your wits.
  • We are proud to announce the Bureaucrat Mastery!
  • For more info on these exciting new features, check out our preview


  • Fixed an issue where mutators would sometimes not turn beast creatures into teenage ninjas.
  • Turned up the temperature in the Crucible.
  • Lokarr now correctly taunts the player whenever they move.
  • Removed the treasure room as it was going against the spirit of the Crucible and the friendships you form along the way.


  • 1 egg, beaten, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 cup all-purpose flour, 2 tablespoons water
  • Combine flour and salt, make a space in the center of the flour and pour in the egg, mix steadily to form a solid dough.
  • Damn’t…
  • Um…
  • Vulture wings now 50% spicier and come with a side of Blue cheese dressing.
  • Fixed a bug where some textures weren’t checker maps.
  • Fixed another bug where some bugs weren’t insects.


  • After investigating the game’s code in depth, we’ve realized that it’s all just a bunch of 1’s and 0’s. To cut down on the game’s installation size, we’ve removed the excess numbers and reduced the code base to just a single 1 and 0.
  • Thanks to the latest in text rendering, increased Patch Note Clarity by 115%.
  • Fixed an issue where the game displayed in colors other than grey.
  • Trees now use photosynthesis to increase the game’s atmosphere.


  • The Faction System has been overhauled into a complex weave of political intrigue and backstabbing presented through an endless grind for reputation we are calling the Game of Groans.
  • The Loghorrean boss encounter has been replaced with a giant door, the true manifestation of all evil.
  • Ascendant enemies have fully ascended and are no longer suspectable to mortal attacks.
  • We were going to add more forgotten gods this patch, but we forgot where we put them.
  • To compensate for this error, we took the spawn pools for existing gods and doubled them.
  • We’ve determined that % Critical damage has become too critical. As such, its effectiveness has been reduced by 100%.
  • Gazerman is always watching…


  • Added a new armor slot for underwear.
  • Male characters can now equip a third ring.
  • Female characters now have an additional inventory slot.
  • Iron Bits now rust when crossing water.
  • Legendary items now have no stats until you find a wizened old NPC that knows the story of the respective item and its lengthy history.
  • The Celestial Lotus now blooms once a century. To compensate for this change, all crafting recipes now require one.
  • Due to overwhelming popularity of Boot items, Blacksmiths have been renamed to Cobblers.

[Class & Skills]

  • To improve build diversity and class synergy, all damage types have been replaced with % Current Life Damage.


  • Celestial Constellations now appear based on time of year. Devotion assignments have been reset to account for this change.
  • The Crossroads Constellation is now only visible during a Full Moon.


  • Military Conditioning has been renamed to Air Conditioning. Now reduces the temperature in the Crucible. Warning as this skill may overheat in the Korvan Sands.
  • Overguard now has a new transmuter: Underguard, which reduces damage taken in the underwear armor slot.
  • Deadly Momentum now correctly scales with your character’s weight.
  • In multiplayer sessions, the player with the highest rank of Veterancy now distributes all loot.


  • Demolitionist mastery now requires a construction permit.
  • Following last week’s patch, Thermite Mines are now correctly vincible again and expire immediately upon being placed.
  • Ulzuin’s Chosen now uses a random lottery system rather than picking favorites.
  • Flame Touched now requires protective thermal gear. Failure to do so will result in third degree burns.


  • Dreeg’s Evil Eye can now be paired with Dreeg’s Good Eye for improved depth perception.
  • Bonds of Bysmiel have been correctly labeled NSFW.
  • The first time Summon Familiar is cast, it creates an Unfamiliar until you get to know each other better.
  • Blood of Dreeg now deals % Health damage to you. Caustic Blood healing you just made no sense.


  • Nightfall now correctly turns the game time to night. This can be highly strategic with the Devotion changes!
  • Ring of Steel can now correctly be equipped in a Ring Slot.
  • Heart Seeker now helps you find your ideal Cairn match.
  • Blade Spirits have been removed to pursue their passion in culinary arts.


  • Trozan’s Sky Shard now has a 1% chance to drop the entire sky instead.
  • Callidor’s Tempest now changes the weather when cast.
  • Nullification now permanently deletes the area upon which it is cast.
  • Maiven’s Sphere of Protection may now be used as a hamster ball to increase movement speed, but may induce nausea.


  • Savagery now beats down your enemies with totally sick burns.
  • Feral Hunger now requires a steady supply of Untouched Meals.
  • Oak Skin can now be treated with a new Rover salve made with the purest Royal Jelly.
  • Blood Pact has been made 30% more sanitary thanks to latest clinical standards.


  • Inquisitor Seal approves.
  • Deadly Aim has been renamed to Mostly-Deadly Aim as it does not always result in dead targets.
  • Rune of Hagarrad now deals its damage over 3 months.
  • Storm Box of Elgoloth now has properly labeled positive and negative ends to avoid blowing circuits.


  • Master of Death is now a formally recognized college degree.
  • Hungering Reach is now more effective near Untouched Meals.
  • Foul Eruption is now 100% more effective against Underwear armor.
  • Dread is now the law.


  • We’ve corrected a clerical error and renamed the Oathkeeper to its intended name: the Bookkeeper.
  • Oaths are now 18% more binding.
  • Path of the Three has been renamed to the Path of the Tree. When toggled, it immobilizes the player and prevents all actions, but sunlight regenerates health.
  • Ascension now increases jump height by 100%.

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First a Crate, now a Door, mundane objects are looking more and more dangerous, what’s next, a rope?

Inquisitor Seal approves.
Master of Death is now a formally recognized college degree.

Im laughing my butt off xD

The notes about males and females are so filthy and hilarious.

Hi I just downloaded the update, wonderful update indeed, and I equipped succesfully Ring of Steel in the second ring slot. But I would like to report a bug: after five minutes the ring cut off the right hand of my dual-wielding Nightblade, I don’t know what to do next…:frowning:

Trozan’s Sky Shard now has a 1% chance to drop the entire sky instead.

I want this to be an actual thing in the game.

Now I need to know what all the class combo names are with the Bureaucrat mastery.

these april patches get better each year :cool:

congrats on the hard work :smiley:

I love these updates :smiley:

Are you implying that it’s not in the game yet? The patch notes are here, I can’t wait for the update to hit steam

I’m having a problem with the 3rd ring slot (male char), no ring stays equipped it just falls off. Is there a merchant where I can upgrade the 3rd ring slot to a larger size?

Love the time and effort you put into these Crate. Thank you :D:D

Happy you never forgot about Gazerman

That’s a dangerous amount of sassiness in a single post.

Nightfall now correctly turns the game time to night. This can be highly strategic with the Devotion changes!
I especially love this one.

To be honest, i missed the point until i read your commentary… lul

I have spent half an hour dropping TSS on Grava and the sky hasn’t fallen yet. Increase the chance to do so, thank you.

I really want a Cockring Slot :frowning:

A quick tip before the update releases:

I used open hand of mercy on my third ring slot, highly recommended!

you dirty boy

you and your C*ck ring