I recently met a friend of a friend who, as it turns out, is a big fan of Grim Dawn. They were happy to get into the game in the dusk before the launch of its final expansion, and even happier to be here for the dawn of that expansion’s debut. Grim Dawn has become so pervasive that I’m finding random people out and about in the world who have come to adore it as I have.
Twelve years ago I found Grim Dawn on Steam, and picked it up for myself with little hesitation. I only played a few hours of it at first, but instantly fell in love. A few days later, I went on a trip with my family to the White Mountains of New Hampshire, and for the whole car ride there and back, I found myself catching up on every Grim Misadventure I had missed. I remember, particularly, salivating over GM#45 - Descend the Steps, teasing Grim Dawn’s first roguelike dungeon. When I finally got home, I registered on the forums at once, eager to partake in the ongoing development of the game - something I had never done before.
More than a decade of shitposting followed. Somehow, despite multiple inflammatory posts calling the devs and their decisions lazy and just generally being a salty little prick, Crate made the mistake of inviting me to be a Praetorian to help test the Crucible and, later, the Ashes of Malmouth expansion. It’s not an exagerration to say I was over the moon from the invitation, and I responded and accepted it as soon as I could. I’ll tell ya, though, having the curtain pulled back to see behind the scenes does a great job of shutting one up! …most of the time. And I’ve learned so much by seeing behind the scenes, and am grateful even for that learning on its own.
The years passed. Crate invited some of us in the local area to a lunch following a PAX expo, so I got to meet our heroes. I became a moderator for the community Discord server, and more recently inherited its ownership. And all the while, I was making friends with and getting to know a bunch of you. Literally, dozens of you, dozens of stories and meaningful - if entirely digital - friendships have arisen in my life solely because of Grim Dawn. I’m a hobbyist author, and even I don’t think I could put into words how impactful and incredible this game and its community are. There’s no forgetting any of you lot.
I love Grim Dawn, and the community it has fostered. There’s no two ways about it; I owe a great deal of goodness in my life to this game.
But all things end.
It’s particularly sobering to have a conversation with a doctor and have them describe your condition as “Severe.” Really makes you re-prioritize things in life. ([Wow, OK, didn’t think I’d tear up so much writing this.]) And ultimately, a game - even one as meaningful and impactful as Grim Dawn - cannot stay a priority forever. Other things matter more.
To that end, I find myself in a position in which I think I need to step away from this little pocket of the universe. I don’t know if that entails a permanent departure. I do know it won’t be all at once; I’ll stick around a bit longer as I slowly ween myself away from things.
“Wait is Ceno dying???”
Death is a bit reductionist. There’s a broad spectrum between being dead and living life to its fullest. But to your question…
Maybe. We’re not really sure. It wouldn’t be immediate even if so, which is sort of the point of this post. I’m reading the writing on the wall and choosing to bow out with some grace. I’d rather this than to altogether vanish one day without saying goodbye to the community that matters so much to me. At least this way, if I do suddenly stop appearing here, there can be the glimmer of hope that I may have just moved on entirely, spending my time elsewhere. I frankly expect I’ll be around to play GD2, whenever that is, even if I’m not as active about it as I was with GD1.
“But what about–”
My mods, such as Grim Armory, will be left in a persistent and functional state. While I’ve abandoned mods in the past (ReSkill, Zenith), I now have a greater belief in finishing what I start. Maybe I won’t realize everything I originally wanted to with Grim Armory, but it will at least remain playable forever after.
I have already discussed the passing of the torch with my moderation team of the Discord server. I will not be abdicating that throne, as it were, until a worthy successor is lined up to take the mantle, and only when they decide they’re ready for it.
I didn’t really want this post to be about me - I’d have rather spent more time praising how much GD has mattered to me over the years - but it is. Then again, that’s the secret to this whole forum business, isn’t it? Everyone’s post is about them. Everyone’s feedback matters most to they themselves. That’s why we’re so prone to such heated responses when our feedback meets criticism from our peers; we put our hearts on display for the world to see, and to have the world rebuke that is painful.
So, some final advice to this oh-so-lovable, at-times-dysfunctional community of ours: Be nice. There’s always another human on the other side of your screen, and you can’t begin to imagine what this game means to them.
So with that, well, I guess I’ll see you around. It has been, and always will be, my pleasure.
There is no struggle too vast, no odds too overwhelming, for even should we fail – should we fall – we will know that we have lived.
- Steven Erikson, Toll the Hounds
The meaning of life is to give life meaning.
- Me, a handful of times. And probably others. There’s nothing new under the sun.
