Since titanquest.net has poofed, and most of our playthrough heroes seem to be active on this forum, I will continue where we left off.
For the vast majority of you who are probably confused right now, on the Titanquest forum we had a group playthrough going of Icewind Dale II, the old infinity engine DnD game. Forum members created their own characters and I played through the game based on their decisions faithfully reporting back what was going on.
We were romping through Chimera HQ preparing to fight their two leaders. First though we had to cleanse the waters of the tower for Ilmater to remove the invincibility of their guard demons. Then we go and bust em up! So close to finishing! Like probably less than half an hour remains in the game
Seems silly to start a thread that will end shortly, but equally silly to leave a game so close to finishing unfinished.
Well, we are all ready to perform the cleansing ceremony… But what is this? A new voice speaks! Do we bend to the temptation of evil or continue on our slightly crooked path of light and justice. (Apologies to anyone who responded to this post originally, I saw reply posts but didn’t get a chance to read through them.)
Iyachtu Xvim Statue- “FOOLISH HUMANS MAKE YOUR CHOICE! GROVEL BEFORE LORD BANE AND FEEL HIS TERRIBLE POWER!”
Shalie-“Well… That sounds nice and all…”
Violo-“I love terrible power!”
Shalie-“Yes, lots of terrible power fans here, but you see, we’ve been the good guys for so long… This is a bit of an about face for us…”
Defboy-“Yer be thinkin we’ll just switch yer fates faster than a two point harglebarg on St. Rummers day like a buncha bootlaced non-skimmers?!? Harumph! Well I never!.”
Kaleg-“Aye ye be kennin a few crivens short of a stockload.”
Iyachtu Xvim Statue- “WHAT? WHAT RIDDLES DO THESE SPEAK OF?”
Laurrr-“What we’re trying to say, is that we are going to need a few minutes to discusss.”
Iyachtu Xvim Statue-“NONSENSE MAKE YOUR DECISION! I HAVE NO TIME FOR FOOLISHNESS”
Shalie-“We’re gonna need a little pow-wow, if you need us we will just be over here.” Shalie gestures to the far side of the room]
Iyachtu Xvim Statue-“FINE. BE QUICK THOUGH. I HAVE A MEETING WITH A NECROMANCER AT THREE. AN EVIL ONE.”
Shalie-“We’ll try to hurry”
Iyachtu Xvim Statue-“HES SUPER EVIL. LIKE, THE EVILEST.”
Shalie-“I believe you… We’re just going to go talk it over.”
Violo “And no eavesdropping!”
Iyachtu Xvim Statue-“I DON’T EVEN WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT. I GOT MORE INTERESTING STATUES TO TALK TO OVER HERE. EVIL STATUES. WAY MORE EVIL THAN YOU.”
[The party huddles together]
Laurr-“Well, the most effective route would be to side with the demons. We simultaneously take away our enemies greatest weapon, while bolstering our own forces.”
Shalie-“Yeah but… Going the evil route? Really? I mean have you seen what they wear everyday? Black is not my color.”
Violo-“IF you’re thinking I came all this way escorting old ladies cats for the positive karma just to throw it away for some stupid STATUE you got another thing coming.”
Iyachtu Xvim Statue-“HEY I HEARD THAT”
Defboy"Aye just like my ole pappy used to say, ‘always wash between yer toes and they’ll wash ya right back’"
Shalie-“Yes, there is that as well. I think it’s pretty clear the group wants to give Ilmater his belt back. Or whatever we are supposed to be doing. Spectre is obviously going to vote pro-good guys so I think tha- Spectre? What are you reading over there?”
[Spectre hurriedly looks up from his limited edition illustrated pop-up version of Dr. Doofendorfs Demented Demons for Dummies]
“Well… I was just…”
Shalie-“Don’t tell me, you were seriously considering his offer?”
Spectre-“Well… No… But… I mean academia is all research right? Gotta make an informed decision… Plus… Plus… Look at all these cool demons! They’ve got horns and fiery bits and everything!!!”
[Kaleg, defboy and violo hurry to peer over spectres shoulder]
“Ooooh! Look at that guy!”
“Check out those teeth!”
“Hey, no shoving!”
“Thats my favorite!”
“NO hes my favorite I saw him first!”
Shalie-“Horns and fiery bits, eh? Exactly which bits are fiery? I remember back in Kaldahar, after a trist or two with a lusty argonian maid my bits were a bit fiery and it’s no fun I can tell you that.”
Spectre-“Not… Not those bits… Other bits… shoulder bits and stuff. And look at all those spikes!”
Iyachtu Xvim Statue-“PRAY TO BANE AND YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE SPIKES AND FIERY BITS YOU WANT. WE SPECIALIZE IN THAT TYPE OF STUFF”
Laurr “Back to your corner, this is a private conversation”
Defboy-“Aye yer not helpin ya overgrown moss catcher”
Iyachtu Xvim Statue-“I HAVE EARS YOU KNOW! AND FEELINGS! FEELINGS THAT CAN BE HURT!”
Defboy-“sorry”
Iyachtu Xvim Statue “EVERYONE ALWAYS THINKS IT’S FUN TO PICK ON THE STATUE. MOSS CATCHER INDEED.”
[The Iyachtu Xvim Statue slinks off]
Shalie-“What could you possibly want with horns and spikes?”
Spectre-“Well… You know I like my morning coffee and bagel.”
Kaleg-“Nothing wrong with that, can’t be waking up to a day full ‘o’ magic without a proper belly-filling”
Defboy-“Aha! Just like me old pappy used to say! Ya gotta inspect yer little-niblets right between there teeth or catch yer noggins in the cupboard”
Kaleg-“Did he really say that?”
Defboy-“Aye…”
Kaleg-“We might need to have a talk about yer old pappy…”
Laurr-“NOT RIGHT NOW! WE ARE DISCUSSING DEMONS! AND THEIR FIERY BITS!”
Iyachtu Xvim Statue-“DON’T FORGET OUR SPIKES! LOTS OF PEOPLE FORGET THE SPIKES! NOT MANY CREATURES HAVE GOT THE PROPER SPIKE COVERAGE, WE OFFER SOME OF THE BEST!”
Shalie-“You need fire to heat your coffee? Can’t you just use a fireball?”
Spectre-“Not that… It’s waiting in line… People are supposed to respect the que! But back in the Heroes Training Academy Hrothgar the Horrible would always cut in line! HE would cut right to the front, and I’d say ‘hey you shouldn’t cut in line’, and he’d say ‘cram it with walnuts ugly’ and shove me in a trash can.”
Kaleg-“But trash cans are supposed to be for disposables only!”
Defboy"Disrespecting the sanctity of the que, and the violating the rules of the wastebin! That tears it!"
Iyachtu Xvim Statue-“NOW HE SOUNDS LIKE A RECRUIT FOR BANE! DO YOU HAVE HIS NUMBER?”
Laurr-“WILL YOU BUTT OUT?”
Spectre-“Well if I had some horns and big spikes-
Iyachtu Xvim Statue-“GOTTA HAVE THOSE BIG SPIKES! 100% BULLY PROOF THEY ARE”
spectre-”-I could get my coffee and not have to worry about line cutters"
Shalie-“Hmmm… Lemme see some of those pictures… WHOAH! LOOK AT THAT FELLA!”
spectre-“What’s so special about that one? He’s just got one big spike in the middle.
Kaleg-“Thats not a spike laddy”
Spectre"What? It looks like a… Oh! Oh my. Well that’s not appropriate”
Shalie"I’ve taken a few alchemist potions trying to get my spike that size, wasted a pretty penny I don’t mind telling you. If Bane can give me a spike like that maybe this dumb hunk of stone is worth listening to…"
Iyachtu Xvim Statue-“YOU… TERRIBLE BRUTES! JUST BECAUSE MY BODY IS MARBLE DOESN’T MEAN MY HEART IS MADE OF STONE!”
[The Statue flees the room, gravel streaming down its cheeks, leaving the party to continue their discussion in peace]
Yeah, everyone can hear your discussion. Even if they couldn’t they’d probably get suspicious when we start killing all the innocents in the tower. Then again, remembering some of our past adventures maybe not. But anywhoozle, take your time discussing. I’ll just entertain myself writing more inanities.
laurr-“Kaleg what do you say? Kaleg- Where has that thief gone off to?”
[The party turns and finds Kaleg wrist deep in the backpocket of one of the statues]
Kaleg- “Errmm. Just helpin this feller out a bits, hes lost his wallets he has. Found it for him right there it was all along there ye are good chap.”
Spectres- “I didn’t know statues could have pockets”
Laurrr-“Don’t worry about it, we need to focus on the task at hand.”
Kaleg-“Hey lookey here!”
laurr-“No don’t lookey there, we need to focus!”
[The group gathers round the large parchment Kaleg has unearthed]
Shalie-“The infernal contract. This is what everyone must sign to form a pact with the demonlord Bane”
defboy-“Never much for readin or writings I was, cant dot me p’s or cross me q’s no matter how much scrubbin i gave em”
Shalie-“Gotta read the fine print on these things ya know. Always slippin all sorts of evil terms into these things. Let’s see here… Minimum 3 virgin sacrifice per annum… Required village burning clause… Loss of soul waiver form, pretty standard stuff… Aha! Here we go! Signing of this agreement constitutes a binding agreement in which User grants allowance of Banelord Inc. the right to contact user with various deals coupons and giveaway offers. User agrees to allow Banelord Inc. to contact user at such home telephone number provided without distinction to time of day including but not limited to, the dinner hour.”
[The group gasps]
spectre"Calling during the dinner hour! But… But that’s when I eat my dinner!"
defboy-“Not abiding the sanctity of the hour must spiritually close ter a mans heart… Who ar ye trying to get us in bed with bard?!?”
Shalie-“Dont shoot the messenger, Im just trying to let everyone know what were getting into.”
violo-“I dont care I dont have a phone. They’re dumb.”
[Shalie continues]-“Dreadful appearance clause, minimum torturing certification, proper use of Banecorp logo, no shellfish on Tuesday… That’s odd.”
spectre-"On Tuesday? Like… Taco-Tuesday?
Shalie -“The same”
spectre-“But… But… you know I love my grilled drunken shrimp tacos! Guy Fierri describes them as a playful americana-styled update to a classic mexican staple!”
defboy-“Disrespectin a mans love of spicy nibblins… for shame”
Laurrr-"Well maybe we could replace the shrimp with something else… You know, like imitation crab meat-
violo-“IMITATION CRABMEAT?!? MAYBE I MISSED WHEN WE WERE IN A TARGOS GULAG?”
kaleg-“Disgusting”
defboy-“How dare ye suggest that?”
spectre-“I’d rather get dragged over hot coals while being force-fed chunks of ham by Geena Davis than suffer the indignity of having whitefish on my tacos”
shalie-"That’s… Oddly specific.
Laurr-"I was just trying to help… I don’t see why it wouldn’t work just as well-
[spectre whimpers something about a one way ticket to flavor town]
defboy-“Just stop just stop, look at what yer doin to the poor lad.”
shalie-“terrible, just terrible suggestions”
Laurr-“I just don’t see what the big deal is”
[The rest of the group stares incredously at laurr]
Kaleg-“You monster.”
violo"I don’t know if I can continue on with this guy. How have we never seen this side of him before?
laurr-“Fine fine, shrimp is better, anything else disagreeable in that contract?”
Shalie-“Soul loan agreement, no more than 3 months of out the year… Not bad… Horn and spike augmentations extra-
spectre"pooey”
shalie-“we can negotiate on that, lifetime relinquishment of thermostat control… monthly blood drinking- What? What is this!?
violo-“What? What?”
Shalie-Oh no. Oooh no. We cant agree to this.”
“What is it, tell us tell us!”
Shalie-“Unbelievable… They want… They want… Oh dear lord. I cant say it out loud.”
defboy-“spit it out lad!”
Shalie-“Required $50 deposit per person… For lifetime membership into the official Lou Bega fanclub”
“What?!?”
“Noooo”
“Won’t someone think of the children?”
“Inconceivable!”
“Why?! WHY?!?”
“What’s so bad about that? Guys? … Guys?”
[The party falls into silence to stare at Laurrr]
laurr-“Look it even comes with a signed poster”
[Blank stares of disbelief]
laurr-“See? There’s a… There’s a signature. Right there. On the poster. Think that makes it worth more or something, never quite got into poster collecting, more of a stamp man myself. Nothin warms the soul than stumbling over an inverted jenny at an old rummage sale if you ask me. But I digress.”
[The rest of party shuffles out of the room shaking their heads]
laurr-“So does that mean we aren’t signing the contract then? It is a nice poster… Laminated and everything.”
not sure how much you missed but we moved into the final chapter consisting of the Chimera Legion headquarters, which for some reason we have full access to and can run around freely despite guards initially saying we were to be stopped.
I’m gonna go ahead and choose the path of light and goodness so we can finish this bad boy up!
Whew! That demon put up quite a fight, took me a few tries to knock his socks off. I haven’t figured out how to use spoilers to hide pictures so to avoid ruining your life here is just a link to the album with the pics in it.
New strategy! We lock him inside Oliteks Resilent sphere and deal with his friends first. He is helpless to do anything but watch! Thanks to our magic casters for locking him up.
5 + 6 Beating him up
The evil statue is gone!
Now we must go purify some water, take out the sphere of scientology, kill the immortal guards, and take down the two leaders!
We complete the purifying ceremony and destroy the globe keeping the demons invincible. We kill the demons and free the slaves, then head off to fight the bosses. Along the way a couple side battles. I’ll update with the final boss battle when I get the chance. Yay!
Okay, I know I dropped out a bit so I’m also wanting some clarification.
So where I left off, we were out of the temple of Black Raven after murdering the monks that tried to make us faces the rooms and then did stuff with golems after which something happened. So now I’m assuming we went on killing people and these Chimera Legions are good guys against a demon army?
I’m inclined to respond with answer 2. Get some story and background.
Also, you still have excellent writing, laddybuck.
Well, you missed quite a bit then. Can’t recount all of it myself, though. TQ.net being down doesn’t help either… Those two guys are basically the two big baddies and we seem to be at the end of the game!
Close! But you’re way off. Legion of Chimera are the demon army that atttacked 10 towns and has been harrying us throughout the game. After beating them off (phrasing) in Targos we decided to go out defeat them all over the world because that meant more monies! We were merely passing through the monastery to reach a different place and needed to access their catacombs to pass under the mountains. Unfortunately we needed to pass some trials to gain access to the catacombs and we decided to kill everyone instead. If you want a storyline update with no context you can browse my imguraccount and reverse and try to piece the pictures together
Ah, I didn’t realize they were the same guys from the start. It sounded from your story like we were semi-with them since the guards weren’t stopping us even though they’d been told to. (Our murder-hobo ways have been fun. There’s no better solution to a problem than killing it.)
[Outside the throne chamber door the party gets ready for their upcoming face-off. Weapons are checked, belts and straps tightened, armor oiled, and shoelaces double-knotted in preparation for the battle ahead.]
Laurr-“Well everyone, it has been an honor to come this far with you. And whatever we face on the other side of the door I hope you know there isn’t four other people in the world I would rather face it with.”
spectre-“But there’s 5 of us.”
Laurrr-“Yes, well… You know.” [Makes a wanking motion in violos direction]
defboy-“Haarhaar! Loogit the Aasamir showing a personality. Were rubbin off on him lads!”
Shalie[Stands on a nearby table and prepares to make a rousing speech] “That’s right men! Today, we fight! We fight for our honor! We fight for Targos. And most importantly. WE FIGHT FOR MONEY!”
[Cheers all around]
Shalie “I want you to give %110 out there-
laurr- “Actually that is impossible, by default you can only give %100”
Shalie-“I want you to give it your all. Each and everyone one of you, leave it all out there on the field!”
Laurrr “we are indoors right now. There is no field. Seems to be cobblestones as far as the eye can see.”
Shalie-“I can look at each and everyone of you say that he is my brother. Now let’s get down to business, to defeat the Legion of Chimera.” "
laurr-“Ok now youre just quo-”
Shalie-”-Believe you can, and you will!"
Laurr-"-ting Mulan"
[Before Shalie has time to really get into it, the doors behind the group break down, and an imp with a boombox on it’s shoulder scurries in and turns down the lights. The imp begins to play Goldust’s theme from his boombox and skitters over to a corner. A smokebomb is thrown and behind it strides in Iyachtu Xvim]
Iyachtu Xvim"THAT’S RIGHT! IT IS I! THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE WITH ME?!?"
violo-“Well, yeah we did kill you-”
Iyachtu Xvim"DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU HAD KILLED ME- Oh. Well you didn’t. I’m very hard to kill."
Kaleg-“I can see that.”
Iyachtu Xvim"YES! PREPARE TO FACE MY WRATH! I WILL NEVER LET YOU PASS TO FACE ISAIR AND MADAE!!!"
[The music from the Imps boombox finishes playing and moves on to Billy Gunn’s theme song]
Iyachtu Xvim - “FOR I- WILL YOU SHUT THAT OFF?!?”
[The imp struggles to push the right button and only succeeds in turning up the volume]
—I LOVE TO LOVE EM, I LOVE TO STICK EM—
[Iyactchu runs over to inspect the boom box]
Iyachtu Xvim- “It must be this button here… No wait that skips forward”
—SO MANY ASSES. SO LITTLE TIME.—
Iyachtu Xvim-“Try that one. No the button next to it!”
—THE BEST SURPRISES ALWAYS SNEAK UP FROM BEHIND—
[Iyatchu finally gives up and smashes the boombox across the far wall.]
Iyachtu Xvim"AS I WAS SAYING!-"
[The group patiently waits for his explanation]
Iyachtu Xvim"AHEM… AS I WAS SAYING…"
[Iyatchu leans in toward the imp]
Iyachtu Xvim"What was I saying?"
[The imp whispers in the demons year]
Iyachtu Xvim"YES! AHA! I SHALL NOT LET YOU PASS! I WILL PREVENT YOU FROM FIGHTING ISAIR AND MADAE… OR MY NAME ISN’T IYACTCHU XVIM!"
[The party is silent]
“violo “Is it?”
Iyachtu Xvim"WHAT?!? WELL, OF COURSE IT IS!”
violo-“Oh. Just making sure”
Iyachtu Xvim"OF COURSE I AM THE MIGHTY AND POWERFUL IYATCHY XVIM! LOOK IN THAT BOOK OF YOURS!"
[spectre quickly flips through his glossary of demons]
spectre- “Well… I can’t seem to find you in here”
Iyachtu Xvim"OF COURSE I’M IN THERE. I AM A MOST FEARSOME DEMON. LOOK ON PAGE 38"
“Page 38… Walrath van Rorchage the Demonstrable, over 7 feet tall, special ability… Extreme-Miming?”
Iyachtu Xvim"WHAT? LET ME SEE THAT"
[spectre holds the book up for all to see]
Iyachtu Xvim"WHAT IS THIS?!? I WAS IN THE 5th EDITION. HOW COULD THEY LEAVE ME OUT…" [Flipping through pages] “WHAT! THEY PUT HORLGAR PUKESTORM IN HERE? HOW DID THAT 2 BIT CHUMP GET IN BUT NOT ME? LOOK AT THIS! SILVERMANE STARSTORM?!? HES ALL FLASH! I WENT TO SECONDARY SCHOOL WITH HIM, COULDNT EVEN PUT A DWARF IN AN IRON MAIDEN IF YOU HELD THE DOOR FOR HIM. NO OFFENSE”
defboy-“None Taken, tis a shame when them drublins cant recognize the sizzle for the steak”
Iyachtu Xvim"THATS WHAT IM SAYING! THIS… THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. WHERE DID I GO WRONG? I’VE BEEN A GOOD DEMON RIGHT? I MEAN… A BAD DEMON"
laurrr- Well you did do a piss-poor job of stopping of us from cleansing the waters and that was pretty much your whole job…"
[The whole group turns and stares icility at laurrr]
[Shalie shakes his head and tsks tsks]
“some people…”
[The group goes over and consoles Iyachtu]
“I think you’re a great demon… Just truly terrible.”
“Very ferocious!”
“Abosutely terrifying!”
“YOU REALLY MEAN IT?”
“That’s right, I get letters from children all the time asking me to slay you. Can’t keep you out of their nightmares.”
“WELL I AM QUITE GOOD AT DREAM HAUNTING”
“The best is what I heard!”
“I DID GET A 96 ON MY ONEIROI EXAM!”
“Who else can say that?”
"THAT’S IT! IM CALLING MY AGENT, WHATS AM I PAYING THAT NO GOOD LOUT FOR? IF WALRATH VAN ROCHARGE’S CAN GET A FULL PAGE I OUTTA BE ON THE FRONT COVER. "
[The demon strides purposefully out of the room. The imp looks forlornly to his smashed boombox and languidly follows]
Violo-“So can we go kill those guys now?”
laurrr-“Yes. Let’s.”
yay! We did it! My internet has been quite dodgy so I just want to get this posted, as I know everyone is just dying from suspense. I’ll try to have a better wrap-up + end game stats in the near future.
