Giant shitpost warning!
Welcome to my meaningful thread! Today we are talking about the creme de la creme, the most important topic to any rpg out there: Which NPC would you date? Crate really should release a dating simulator so that we can get a proper question to this answer!
Well, since I’m only allowed 10 poll options I had to cut a few people out. Also this thread offers unverified lore, and contains spoilers for the main game. So yeah, here are the contestants:
Captain John Bourbon “Captain morgan”
This middle aged handsome captain tries his best to secure devils crossing. He was the one who saved your live, how can you just ignore that? He might have an alcohol problem, as his name suggest. Maybe a friend, or a “Boy/Girlfriend” would help him to survive the grim dawn mentally!
Ulgrim “The ironclad chef”
Before the grim dawn this gent was a cook for the Emperor. You find him on a small island in the middle of the burrwitch outskirts, trying his best to survive. This poor cook obviously needs help, so you get him to devils crossing where your love story can evolve! SPOILER: It turns out later that he was a professional assassin for the Emperor! And that he gets molested after the Loghorrean battle. He needs a helping hand to get over his problems. Will you be his hand?
Milton Hart “And his aether self”
This young man proudly defended his sister and other survivors, and has put a notch on his helmet for every taken he has taken back! However, he was conquered, and now an annoying aetherial spirit controls him. Can you get him back, while also dealing with his annoying sidekick? Maybe with the power of love!
Inquisitor Creed “The useless”
This poor Inquisitor tries, but can’t do anything without your help! He couldn’t secure Homestead, left fort Ikon to a horrible aetherial and SPOILER: was unable to save our beloved cook from the cthonians. His clumsiness however is quite charming, isn’t it? This young lad may not be the most useful, but he is a real connoisseur of Quests. Maybe you can take on the quest of stealing his heart before captain somer? Good luck!
The Outcast “Your friendly neighbourhood atherial”
While most people in Fort Ikon don’t trust the Outcast, it is undeniable that she helped our useless Inquisitor in turning tables! She is the kind of girl who will never turn down a present. She especially has a thing for hearts, blood, brains, bonehunter fangs, tomes and much more! How can you look into her blue glowing eyes without giving her a little present?
Mogdrogen “The yandere”
Mogdrogen is a god, though he lives a live of a hobo, out in the wild in a little grove, talking to tree animals and other weird hobbies. You did so much for him after the events of the grim dawn, but he is still mean to you. “Tsk, I never asked you to repair my shrine!” “I could’ve asked somebody else to take care of my grove” “You are a human, that means you are an idiot!”, and yet he is the only god that shows himself to you, asking you for help. Maybe you can see through him, and offer him a chance to open his feelings to the world! And most importantly to you!
Kymon “The chosen”
Some people have a clear vision. Some people want to fight for the right thing, and Kymon thinks he is doing exactly that. A follower of Hyperion Empyrion, the god of light. He needs all the followers he can get to save the world from the grim dawn! He is a real savior, and definitely will come to your aid if you scream “Kymon save me!” loud enough! But something is wrong with Kymon, maybe he needs to be saved?
Loghorrean “The one that gives a nice massage”
Summoned by the Cthonians to defeat the aetherial threat, this Helpful little tentacle monster is quite a charmer. He likes to gives friends a good massage if you offer him some blood! He might have a little bit beef with Ulgrim, but overall he is a friendly, caring tentacle monster. But the loghorrean has one big problem, he is stuck! And it is your job to gather blood, so that he can save the world. But he is awfully big, is blood enough? Or does he need another powersource like… love?
Garradia “The fetishist”
Garradia is a simple witch. She has many fetishes, and she needs more. For the coven ofcourse. She even asks you if you can aquire some fetishes for her so that the coven is out of harms way. But be careful! She isn’t quite picky, but one thing she really dislikes are Inquisitors. Still, inquisitor or not, maybe you are the person she needs the most in her life? As long as you have many fetishes!
Riggs “The Merchant”
Everything has a price, and this humble merchant knows how to make a good deal! it might be his abs, his strong arms, that intimidating stare he gives you in the loading screen or his big… sable that draws your attention. He offers you many uselessful items, but for a price. However, he won’t tell you what you have to pay, at least for now. Possibly he already got his eyes on you? How many “trades” will he offer you, till you can give him your heart? You will have to find out…
Oh man, this shitpost took me over 40 minutes of my life. Why am I doing this, it’s 5 in the morning already… Well, thanks for reading, and definitely tell me which partner you chose and why!.. does anyone read random threads nowadays?