Welcome to the Grim Dawn Church of RNGesus







Welcome to the Grim Dawn Church of RNGesus!




  • This is a place of gathering for the faithful (and not so faithful) to come in times of need and guidance or even if you would like to just offer up a quick prayer or sacrifice in the eternal quest for better odds.

    Due to the #off-topic:totally-random nature of this section of the forums I hereby declare this thread as holy and sacrosanct, from beginning to end, and intended as a haven and shelter to those in need. I am also open to personally blessing any who ask it of me and the faithful are free to attend daily, weekly etc. as it suits them.

    As you enter these hallowed halls do not be surprised to feel uplifted in spirit as the worship of RNGesus is centered around the promise that RNGesus rolled The Dice for your salvation and continues to roll those exact same dice to this very day out of the endless love he carries for you and for the sound of a well-rolled drop. Yes, you heard that right! RNGesus is literally rolling The Dice this very moment and every micro-moment, just for YOU!



If that’s not something to be excited about then I don’t know what is and as fate and The Dice would have it, I am positutely vibrating with excitement about bringing RNGesus into all of your lives!





Q & A with Pope powbam




Why you? What makes you so special?

  • chuckles and snorts in a light-hearted TV-friendly fashion

    Glad you asked, Bob! I was snoozing. And then I awoke. That’s how I knew I’d been called upon and guided to found this Church. Due to the random nature of the event I feel this is all the proof required. Cults, I mean Churches and Religions, dating back 2,000+ years and more have been founded on far, far less.



What are the rules? Is there a Bible? Commandments? Anything that lets us easily and quickly point fingers and call non-believers heretics and blasphemers?

  • Nope. I am literally just making this shit up as I go along, which may actually be the only real “rule” to adhere to in worship of RNGesus.


What about a hell? Is it possible to fall and be condemned to a fiery fate of some nature?

  • No hell except the “hell” of never getting the drop you are looking for. If there was a hell tho you can bet your Sweet Aunt Petunia that it would definitely be randomly generated.


A heaven?

  • It’s all in the drops, homie.


Do you accept donations?

  • What? Do I look stupid? Of course I accept donations.

    Send me a pm and we’ll work out the fastest possible way to get your life-savings into my wallet! Now quit asking me all these stupid ass questions and bugger off.





Proof and Worship of:






/r/RNGesus/







1 Like

Now bow your heads and PLAY.

Syn

yes, sometimes the RNG gods can be on your side, but sometimes not, (more often then not!)

Maybe we could try and persuade the devs to accept donations to get the RNG gods on our side!!!

So we will start a fund-raising campaign, the aim is to raise 2 million dollars so that the money can aid GD and make it easier for us poor wretches to get the items that we want.

Small print

The money will end up in several off shore accounts and will never be seen again:p

So who is with us on this glorious crusade? :smiley:

As long as a sizable portion of that makes its way into MY offshore account then it has my endorsement all the way 'til I got one foot in the grave.

/bows head in silence and Blesses matthewfarmery & Syn

May RNGesus be with you. May he guide your mouse-clicks with fortuitous randomness. Amen.

Amen, Brother powbam. Amen.

Syn

Hallelujah !!! Praise the lord … and his son powbam.

And now get over with the blessing thing … I want my items already …

RNGesus smiles upon you, T72on1, and sees the faith in your heart. Meditate upon the vast randomness of his love that is without bound and take comfort and peace from it. Play on, child, and may your drops be plenty. Amen.

without a God for random there be order and chaos would vanish.

the_dead_pig! Flip a coin and flip it high and let it land where it may. As it drops turn your back and carry on with your day.

RNGesus does indeed embody Anarchy, no matter whether it resides in the UK or in Madagascar or within the fungus of your big left toe.

Dear RNGebus,

It appears that you have crapped in my coffee today. You suck. I was spreading your gospel through Tyrant’s Hold, and after getting my arse kicked a number of times I finally beat some sense into Bloodfeast the Ruthless and on bended knee awaited my loot drop with anticipation. And Lo, by the shining power of thine holy countenance, my loot sucked! Mostly yellows with a cruddy green pair of boots, which had a physique that I could not use, I may add. I was somewhat perturbed and am now questioning my adherence to your cult, sorry, I mean church.

Your (up until now) faithful servant.
TheArchaeologist

How do I disagree with the spirit of this thread without starting a flame war? :stuck_out_tongue:

Side note: I thought contentious content wasn’t allowed in forums. Or is that just the Rant forums? In which case, I’ll show myself out.

Dear TheArchaelogist,

Take heart and hear The Word as passed to me by RNGesus, whom I personally beseeched in thine favor.

I knelt and prayed and invoked RNGesus with great urgency. On a sudden, a great and mighty voice boomed my name directly into my right ear, which I feared might burst at the volume it endured.

He said, “Fear not”, as the great volume subsided, “Your ear shall not burst tho I do admit it was a close call. My wife hath refused to make me the omelette I so desired and I had ramped my voice modulation to levels a mortal should not have to endure as I was in the midst of yelling at her as you called on me. Apologies, my faithful one.”

So I shook it off and said, “Thank you Lord. Your mercy is plentiful and much appreciated.”

“powbam”, He spake to me, “Why hath you begged intervention from me?”

So I pushed send upon my phone and forwarded him your very words, TheArchaelogist, which he promptly read. Upon finishing his laughter emanated thru my soul and filled me.

He said, “This subject, TheArchaelogist, has nothing to worry about and I bid you to relate our encounter for all to know. Tell him that even tho he directed his post at RNGebus, whom is my little brother, and tho there are minor differences between us, We are one and the same for the most part.”

“Know this, powbam, faith in me is not absolute nor eternally required. I welcome the randomness of the bad drop, the hard times, the hate, the back and forth of denial and belief. Just as I welcome all of the good and the joy. For without the bad we cannot have the good. He is free to disavow as his heart desires since I did indeed crap in his coffee today. Him and millions of others. My craps are rather large.”

“Yet, even tho I may fall from his favor, I am still rolling The Dice for him regardless, good or bad, and one day he will receive something good and truly epic and he will know that I was there with him in those moments, just as I am with him in every moment.”

“Go and tell them, powbam, that they are never to think they are in bondage to me. May The Dice keep rolling.”

And so he was gone.

May The Dice keep rolling. Amen.

There are no flames here and should they arise I would see them extinguished.

Haha. I suppose I would argue that the very quintessence of the thread was flame, but I would also suppose that point is moot and unnecessary to make. :wink:

And you would suppose rightly, VirDei. All are welcome. Loot on and loot hard, friend.

This is simultaneously the dumbest and best thread on these forums. Wow.

Is true damnation never getting the drops you desire, or is it getting the drops you desire with a level requirement just out of reach? RNGESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.

Good call. Amen.

Powbam, I fully support your church take no mind of the fact the I am UN-holyegon, it just means not holy that does not mean I am evil silly people and this poor human language.

Crap the jig is up everyone knows I run the church of Lucife-RNG designed to make all your loot rolls fail.

EVIL LAUGH

All your puny drops belong to me lord of the items that fall thru the world into the void. Crate thought they fixed the bug but I just got cleaver and now make the items just spawn into the void mwahahaha.

RNjesus can’t save your items no one can.

All are welcome here Unholyegon no matter the level of holy-ness or lack thereof.

This is decidedly awesome and epicly fits into the canon we are spitting here in the Church of RNGesus.

and so the concept of Lucife-RNG was absorbed into the lore of RNGesus. As with Yin and Yang, RNGesus and Lucife-RNG cannot exist as one without the other. So let it be written. So let it be done.

I have just wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes. Once more have I faith in RNGesus and his errant son RNGebus (who is the patron saint of Homer I believe). I shall beware LucifeRNG for his loot drops of unattainable usage. Also, to those who desire more loot and riches in vast quantities, beware his gluttonous son BelphegoRNG. Here endeth my ramblings.